Oldleithers` Fantasy Burns Night to celebrate the 250th Anniversary of the birth of The Bard
Held in Revelstoke, BC, Canada on 25st January 2009
Welcome: If that doesn`t get you started then before I begin I think we should listen to this.
"Hey Jessie, when did Ecky record that?" asks Ruth "Ah dinna ken, but he was very guid."
"That wisna me, it wis ma brither Tam."
Right, enough o that. Ah think ye aw ken me. Hooever, jist in case. A`m John yer webmaster. Av taken upon masel tae be in the chair the night.
First and foremost, ah must thenk ye aw fir turnin oot especially in this place that must be yin o the cauldest on earth. Agin hooever that disna tak away the warmth o the welcome frae Jessie and Malcolm who hiv worked tirelesssly to organise the occasion fir us. Noo lets hear a roond o applause fir them. Thank ye. (an aside- Alex will ye stop yer agitating. Naw ye canna hae a smoke. Ye`ll`hae to gang ootside)
Sorry for that folks.
Now Jessie would like to say a few words before we start the evening. Jessie!
Haud it a minute Jess. Mr Wallace will you let the lass speak. You`ll get you turn soon enough. Right Jessie
Jessie," "Before I begin. Eckie you`ve never changed. Now haud yer tongue and let me speak.
Cheers, "That`s richt Jessie, tell him." "Aw right, hen, seeing its you."
Thanks! I, too, would like to welcome a'body tae oor hame here in Revelstoke, B.C. Now I know it's cauld ootside and 2 feet of snow is forecast for tonight but there's a warm welcome here from Malcolm and I to all the 'Gang' from the oldleithers site. I hope you enjoy yersels - if not then it's up to each of us to add our 'bit' like we used to do at the Hogmanay parties at home when I was growing up. Now on with the programme......"
Thank you, Jessie and Malcolm. Let`s hear the Selkirk grace frae Magnus
Grace
"Some hae meat and canna eat,
And some wad eat that want it,
and er, er But we hae meat and we can eat,
and er, er, And sae the Lord be thankit."
I thocht ye told me ye knew it like the back o yer hand.
Sorry, ah got a bit nervous standing here in front o ye aw.
Oh never mind! Thank ye jist the same. I should have mentioned that Donald will be going around with his camera.
Now aw stand tae welcome the haggis. Please clap along in time wi the pipes
Now here Graham. That wis a fine rendition Heres a dram tae whet yir wistle.
Before I ask for the Address, I declare a respite of ten minutes in case any o ye want tae visit a place.
Alex ye can go ootside now for yer puff but see an hurry back. Am no gawn tae wait on ye.
Noo that we`re aw in oor seats again ah hope that ye`ve taken the time to fill yer glesses again.
Noo ah call upon Scott for the address to the haggis. Dinna be like so and so and please dinna gie us aw the verses. Dinna want tae be here aw nicht. Please speak up there`s some o us a wee bit deef.
I`ll try ma best. Here goes "Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain o' the pudding-race!
Aboon them a' yet tak your place,
Painch, tripe, or thairm:
Weel are ye wordy o'a grace
As lang's my arm."
Ah ken ah telt ye no tae gie us aw the poem but a thocht at least we`d get mair than yin verse.
Wiil you all now all raise your glasses in a toast to the haggis.
Thank you. Now get tucken in to your supper
Starter Cock-a-leekie, Main course Haggis and Neeps, Sweet Clootie Pudding, Cheese and Bannocks
Alex to Graham," He`d better no slag me for ma speech. Ah`l soon tell him something."
Graham, " Ach dinna fash yersel."
Ruth to Jessie, "Ah think you should be pleased wi yersel. Whit a lovely meal yiv put on."
Jessie,"Really it wis Malcolm that prepared it aw. Ah jist advised."
"Ye ken, Ruth, ah hope that Alex disna say anything oot o turn in his piece. Ye ken him!"
"Ach dinna be bothered. If he does then you can get back at him in yer ain reply."
Magnus to Scott, "Ye certainly kept yer toast short. Di ye no ken it aw?"
"Aye, but ah kent ye aw were waiting to get tucked in tae yer meal. Anyhow you had a short piece yersel wi the Grace. At least ah said mine withoot stutterin."
Ladies and Gentlemen, now that the meal is ower, make sure yer glasses are full. It is time for entertainment.
Our first is a rendition of that traditional My Luv is Like a Red Red Rose; sung to us this evening by our own Roy Cummings.
Cheers "Gie it tae them Roy"
"Cum on Roy, gies us aw anither yin."
Roy "Naw, ah`ll recite Tam O`Shanter."
Thank ye Roy. We`ll no hae that. We`ll be here aw night if ye dae.
"Oh right then" a wee bit put out.
Now we`ll hae anither pee break. Efter that we`ll hae the Immortal Memory frae nane ither than oor Alex Sandie frae jist doon the road in San Diego.
Meantime Ian Ross, Graham and Magnus are having a chin wag.
Ian, "Dinna ken what we came here for. Ah`ve never topped shivverin... It must be the weather."
Graham,"Aw the warmth o the company should heat you up a bit. Wait till Alex says his bit. He`s aye got something tae say that`ll get you beeling, nae doubt"
Magnus, "Get yersel one o Jessie`s advocaats, she hus her ain concoction. Malcolm aye swears on it."
Ruth, " Jessie, da ye fancy you and me gien them a duet later?" "Aye but ye can sing it yersel!" "Och cum oan. It`ll be guid fur a laugh."
"Here get oor photy taken, here`s Donald." "Haud on till we get in, " cries Alex and Graham.
Ruth to Alex, "Here are you remembering Tom`s birthday? It``s next week isn`t it?"
"Heck ah wis forgettin." "Hey John can we sing happy Birthday tae big Tam?" "Ah right but efter the Immortal Memory."
Ladies and Gentleman, a big welcome for Mr Sandie and his Immortal Memory. As he wid say `next`
Hooray! clap, clap, clap.
The Immortal Memory
"Burns was a literary genius, loved his politics, mixed with highs and lows, he had human frailty and - most importantly - his nationalism.
I give you the toast `To the Immortal Memory of Robert Burns!"
Is that all? No worth the fare bringing you here.
Alex to Janet, "Noo if it had been Shakespeare." "Weel it wisna, ye got the wrong bard."
Right then we`ll hae another song frae Roy if he`s no too drunk.
"Gi`es Nellie Dean.", "Naw, Gi`es Floor o Scotland.", Quiet, please!
"Jessie, its gettin oot a hand", complains Ruth. "They`ve hud too much tae drink."
"Huv tae agree wi ye." "Graham can you no dae anything tae keep order? Am gettin fair ashamed."
Roy, as chairman I ask you to sing "Scottish Soldier." After we will sing Happy Birthday to Tom Wallace
Happy Birthday by Alex, Graham and Roy
Take another break now before Alex gi`es the Toast to the Lassies.
Now the point we have all been waiting for. Alex give it yer best. Yer toasting our fair maidens.
Toast to the Lassies
"Lads hae willes, ahn Lasses hae wiles: we use thum flyly ahn they use thum slyly, luv yis much."
Here am no hain that! Now get on wi it.
'' Ah ,ok, fill up mah gless while ah think o sumfin. Ah ok, ahv goat it . Now my real address follows."
Gentlemen, please ask your ladies to stand,
Then you as a group sit back on yir ass.
This isna fir you its fir yir bonny wee lass.
Ladies its said that Oldleithers are great
Ahn why yir sae gled tae hae yin as yir mate.
Now hold it me lads dinna get a big head
Thats something ah read.
This really is meant tae honour and thank
The wans that we love we sometimes forget tae thank you
Ahn tae share the feelins we feel
But honestly lass thank God they are real.
Like when we close oor eyes at night and
Count the blessings we huv.
When we think o yir smile ahn the way
It warms us wi wonderful love.
We look inti yir eyes and see oor future and past
Then pray to the Lord forever it will last.
We look at you and see those sweet lips
That kiss us, they say I love you, hello and goodbye
Alas, sometimes with a sigh.
The arms you wrap round us and welcome us home
That’s a special gift that you lassies hae
God we dae luv yi in oor special way
So join me gents, git up oaf yir asses
Raise up yir glasses and join me now
In a Toast ti The Lassies
Thank you Alex, that wis great. Now you deserve your pint.
Ruth to Alex," I thocht that wis really nice. Ye did well. Ah think we aw appreciated it."
"Och it wis nae bother. Ah meant every word."
"Alex will ye ask the karaoke tae play me a favourite o mine? Caledonia by Dougie McLean."
"Nae bother hen."
"But first ah`m gien ye a rugby song." Why was he born so beautiful.
Now that we have begun a sing song, I think we will have another before I ask Jess to give her toast.
Whaes next? Right Malcolm, ah can see ye straining at the bit. Whit de ye want to sing?
Wonderful "A song for my Jessie. Ah mean every word of it. Am the best capture she ever made."
Ah, not a dry eye in the room. That wis wonderful. Jessie, "Oh ma Malky"
Now then it is time for the reply frae the lassies. I call upon our hostess to do the honour once she has wiped the tears frae her eyes. Jessie.
Burns, as I'm sure y'all know aye had a saft spot in his hert for the wenches of his day.
He had lots of "rolls in the heather" with lots of lassies and I am glad that he held them
aw in highest esteem- calling them for their beauty, their dignity, and strength.
He also said a woman could mak an average man great and a great man average.
We canna miscall him for his love affairs. I think these were the "signs of the times"
and ye canna fault him for that. Ma goodness me - what with his irresistible charm,
good looks etc. etc. what lassie could resist him?
Ladies, be on yer feet and join me in a "Reply frae the Lassies"
Thank ye Jessie. Now that almost brings the official part of the evening to a close. However there`s still beer, and refreshments to be partaken and no doubt some blethering as well as community singing to take place.
Magnus, Scott and Ian aka Scotland`s three Tenors
Gets the cockle o yer herts goin, eh?
Alex, " Cum on Jess and Ruth whit aboot a song frae you two?"
"Aye," agrees Graham, "Ye promised us yin."
"Okay then ye asked for it." Daisy, Daisy.
Jings, crivens, help ma Boab. Nae mair.
Ah think that brings it to a close. I`d just like to thank our speakers and our entertainers for their part in making it a wonderful evening.
It only remains for us to take the floor for Auld lang Syne and I ask our hosts, Jessie and Malcolm to stand in the middle.
Remember aw, when ye leave be quiet. Jessie his hir neighbours to think o.
Finally ah hope ye`ll aw stand and gie each ither a clap on the back fir a great evening. An tae you Jessie and Malcolm a herty thanks fir aw yev done to ensure its success. Noo three cheers fir baith o them. Hip Hip Hooray. Hip Hip Hooray. Hip Hip Hooray.
"Hey Ecky!" shouts Ruth, "Monty`s here wi yir lift." "Where?" "In front o ye, ur ye that blind drunk?"
Monty with Mackenzie
"Hey Graham," cries Ecky. "Whit wey did you no hae a speech?"
"With my Yorkshire accent who here would have understood me?"
"Aw heck ah could hiv translated fir ye."
"No, no, knowing you you might have put in something different. Here, gives your hand we are aw Jock Tamson`s bairns. We`ll be saying plenty in the guestbook after all this. Great night friend. Gives a hug." "Anyhow, wheres John?" "Too busy showing awbody his medal. Hee Hee."
Scots Wha Hae God Bless You All My Friends, John
Let me know if you attended, please.
I will attach names as I receive them. Hope you enjoyed the skylarking. John
After Supper Comments
Anne Kaczka, Denver Colorado What a grand time you all had. Thank you
Robert Moffat, Bonnyrigg I have never enjoyed a Burns night so much in awe my life. Great company Great songs. Well done to all John/Jessie & Malcolm, Graham, Etc Etc.
Ruth McClounnan, Los Angeles It was a great night, good food, great company, great singing.
Norma Ross, Argyll What a smashin' supper. Sorry I missed it.
Magnus, The skipper says we're about 150mls off St Pauls Island,In the Bering Sea!! Best party I've been to, I think, I hope.
Ticket
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