Harrogate Daily Howler               

                Reporter:  Percy Vere     Photographer: Biffo the Bear (G Whyte)                      Sunday 22 June 2008

                                   Oldleither Celebration

Our Spa town opened its doors on Saturday to welcome the Oldleither Parade celebrating the 100,000th

visit to its website.

The event was co-ordinated by Harrogatian Graham Whyte, an old Leither himself.  Along with his wife Chris, he organised the whole day`s events as well as the catering at no cost to the visitors.

The weather was at its most welcoming, which was very appreciated

by those visiting from abroad.  Lovely for them, however a bit warm for

those that travelled south from the old country.  This proved to be the

case for Bill Macrae who was due to carry the banner at the head of

the procession.

Bill elected to take advantage of the wheelchairs available on the the day.

His driver was Desperate Dan, aka Alex Wallace from Meaford, Canada.

The Broon Twins stood in and were a credit to their Maw and Paw who

were present on the day.  I believe they were in fact two visitors from

California, Tom Wallace and Alex Sandie. Tom had arrived late due to a misunderstanding.  He and Ruth McLounnan had flown into Edinburgh by mistake.  However they made it in time.

It should be pointed out that the theme for the day was comic characters from the Beano and Dandy as well as the Sunday Post.

The parade set off led by the Pipes and Drums of the Regiment of Scotland followed by the State Coach lent by H.M.  This was accompanied by several of her attendants lent for the occasion.  The carriage was graced by none other than Jessie Newlands who was in charge of the proceedings. Jessie is held in high esteem and it was fitting that she should have got this honour.  Alongside sat Lord Snooty, the webmaster.  Asked why this character, he said he fancied the hat and it did get him into the coach.  Wee Rosie, Carol Ford from Carnoustie was the lady in waiting.

With ex WPC Berry elsewhere engaged, she delegated PC Murdoch, otherwise Magnus Ganson to take charge of security with special orders to keep a watchful eye on Desperate Dan.

Norma and Andrew Brodie came as Maw and Paw Broon.  They told me they had journeyed all the way from Auckland in their 1940s costume just to get the feel of it.

The marchers or should I say daunerers fell in behind, struggling to keep up with the band`s slow marches specially chosen for the day.

These walkers included many from overseas who had made the trip by way of their Internet Connections.

The parade was witnessed by many who lined the short route.  This route was chosen by Graham and as it was downhill over its complete length of 50 yards, the marchers had no need of the drinking stations set up at frequent intervals.  Deperate Dan did take advantage of one purely to gets his breath back from stopping Bill`s chair running away, and wasting it again on a quickly lit fag.

He was applauded for this by members of the Bash Street Kids, made up from his old mates from Burlington Street.

Graham, despite his responsibilities for the day, delighted the crowd with his Biffo the Bear costume.  He kept everybody in check as he raced up and down the ranks encouraging and cajoling to keep going.

At the bottom of the hill the parade entered the park where a marquee was erected for the serving of refreshments.

Many of the characters present were reluctant, due to embarassment, to come out from behind their costumes.

The lunch on offer was specially brought down from Leith for the occasion; lentil soup, followed by potted ham hock and tatties and a sweet consisting of cold stewed rhubarb with covering of cremola.

For those who had long lost their taste for these Scottish culinary delights, the Whytes laid on something more in line for them.  Sausage meat, onions and diced bread. 

Even this was fowned upon by certain hard to please individuals.  Sliced square sausage meat didn`t suit the morning rolls tht were laid on.  "Who had ever heard of square beefburgers?" Graham was asked.

After the formalities all couldn`t wait until reaching the playground area.  `"Here Jessie, get on this swing

and ah`ll beam ye". "Nae fear" was her reply.  Then there was the `henner pole`.  "Swing yersel ower that then."   "Ye jist want tae see ma breeks, no thanks.  Whit wid Malcom think?"

"Where`s ma chair pusher?" cried Bill.  "Ah need tae spend a penny."   "Wis that Dan?  Well if it wis, he`s ower at the bar pushing back the McEwans Heavy."  "Ah`ll shove ye," offered Biffo.

All this time the Merry-go-round was being pushed to the limits.  Tom Wallace and Rab Wallace kept up the pace while hanging on for grim death were Maureen Logue and Ruth McLounnan and Carol Ford.

Trying his best to capture this on camera was Donald Veale.

"Cum ower tae the pond, "  Donald was told.  "Jessie has just fawin in.  She`s soakit."

She and the other girls had been messing about.  I believe the advocaats had some other additive.

"Come on," cried out Graham. "We`ve got some community singing to get going.  Roy Cummings is raring to get started.

By this time a visitor from Texas, Morty was trying out his skill with the

chestnuts.  "Conkers is the term," he told me.  He had by this time identified

himself from behind his `Big Eggo costume`.

The park children`s chute was chained up by order of the Council.

Too dangerous for old people to scale was the reason for it.  This

didn`t stop those Leithers.  They just hauled themselves up the chute itself and slithered down to their hearts content.  Even PC Murdoch had a go at it.

Dan was by now letting it rip surrounded by his mates.  Jessie tried to silence him but was dragged into it.  "C`mon hen, let yir hair doon"

For peace sake she agreed and both of them gave a rendition of  `Nellie Dean`.   Another group, pints in their hands were carousing to `show me the way to go home.`

Morty was now nursing sore knuckles from his conkers.

"Ah still say Lawrie Reilly wis a better centre forward than Willie Bauld."   "Oh no," thought Graham, hearing this.  "Don`t want this topic especially mixed with drink.".

"Where are Masons pies and the Daddy`s brown sauce ?" complained Ian Ross to everybody an awbody.  "Where`s ma Tennants lager and the women`s Advocaat??  Still he was content enough to sup his beer and chew on a packet of potato crisps.

"Where are the toilets?"  With the age group being in the upper sphere, the provision of ample toilet facilites were assured.  Three in fact although one was the chemical variety.  These facilities were well used and often were waited upon by numbers of paraders with crossed legs.

The pipe bands were doing their best to entertain, but eventually they gave up and joined the guests in sampling the Whytes` hospitality.  The Whytes kept up the supply of refreshments and soon everybody was getting fu and unco happy.

.

PC Murdoch eventually saw this was getting out of hand and approached Lord Snooty, webmaster saying it was time they called it a day.  "What do we do?" he asked.

"Don`t worry," said John, "this is all fantasy.  I`ve got my lap top here and I`ll click exit. They`ll be back in their own homes in a tick, and that will include you and me. We shall all be putting this down to a dream."  However he elected to delay the return for a little while longer.

Eventually a couple of pipers began to play some old Scottish dance tunes.  To the sound of `Flowers of Edinburgh` the dancers were soon up and giving it big licks.  Roy Cummings eventually got his big moment and reeled of a Robert Wilson favourite `Down in the Glen`. . 

Next thing the ladies were up singing, Wee Rosie leading the way. Oh no, groaned the males and immediately topped up their glasses.

The Whytes hospitality ales were now dwindling fast.  Graham had under estimated consumption.

"Lets hit the town and show them how to drink" became the theme call.  At that, the Bash Street

Kids led by their mate Desperate Dan headed off.  Despite the pleas of Jessie, she was hauled along.

PC Murdoch heard all this and said it was now or never to call it a day.  Lord Snooty agreed and immediately hit the exit button on his PC.

Alex Wallace in Meaford was nursing his head when Pat came in.  "Did you get the grass cut?"  "Sorry ah must have dozed off and woke wi a head like tae burst.  Yed almost think ah wis pissed.  Ah wis having a great time ower in England.".

This was typical for all of them. Each one found him or herself back in their own yard with a niggling thought that that for a moment they had been elsewhere.  Puzzling?.

Footnote.

On presenting this report to the editor he thought I was going out of my mind.  After writing it I checked out the park and found no traces of the pageant.  I later called in at the Whytes and they knew nothing of what I was talking about but Graham did say he co-incidently had a similar dream.  Editor thought it worthwhile printing it, just for a laugh. P Vere