Our Rhymes and Ditties

How often did we have our little rhymes or ditties?  Maybe a bit `crude` but of course that is what made them so appealing.  Could we imagine going around singing `Mary had a little Lamb` other than its parody.  To be honest, these treasures were more likely to have been handed down to us by our parents (father) and/or grandparents as in my case, my granda, much to the consternation of my granma  I make no apologies for any of the following.  After all, we did recite them  Send me yours!

Mary had a little lamb,

She also had a bear.

I`ve never seen Mary`s lamb,

But have often seen her bear

How`s your old man?

Blind drunk.

Sitting on the bunker

Playing with his plunker.

How`s your old man?

Blind drunk.

Tailor, tailor tartan,

Came ower the bed f.....n,

Ten needles in his e..e,

Tailor, tailor tartan.

The following were sent in by George Shepherd.

(1)

I went up the stairs an` saw a polisman

Wi` `is whiskers tied tae the pailin`.

He asked me ma name an` ah said it`s aw the same

Fur ma name is macaroni treacle toffee.

He took me tae the jile an` `e gave me castor ile

An` `e took me tae the baillie in the mornin`.

The baillie asked ma name an` ah said it`s aw the same

Fur ma name is macaroni treacle toffee!

(2)

Am the man, ye can see that am the man.

Am the man that mak`s the smoke come oot the lum.

Although am a stoker, ah dinnae need a poker

Fur tae mak the smoke come oot the lum, pum, pum, pum.

Oochie choo, pum, pum, oom, pah, pah, ah shovel on the coal as it comes

Am not sittin` oan the fender, no am standin` oan the tender

Am the man that maks the smoke come oot the lum!

(3)

My faither`s a scaffie in London,

He sleeps in the toilet at night,

And when  he wakes up in the morning,

His boots are all covered in ....... sweey violets.....

(Sung to the tune of my body lies over the ocean)

(4)

No last night but the night before,

Three wee monkeys came tae ma door;

One wi` a trumpet an` one wi` a drum,

An` one wi` a dishtowel hingingin` fae its bum.

Aunty Mary hid a canary

Up the leg o` her drawers.

She p...d her breeks

For sixty weeks,

An` it ne`er came doon anymore.

One we sang as the Corporation Building laddies against our old `enemy`, the Broady.

We are, we are, we are the Coppy boys,

We are, we are, we are the Coppy boys

We walk along Great Junction Street,

And Knock the Broady off their feet,

For we are the Coppy boys.

Sent in by Valerie O`Grady

Skinny Malinky long legs, umbrella feet

Went tae the picters and couldna find a seat.

When the picter started

Skinny Malinky farted

Skinny Malinky long legs umbrella feet.

1942 I went tae milk a coo

The coo pumped an` ah jumped, 1942

Sent in by Ben Fegan

Edinburgh Castle stands on a rock,

If you want in you must show your cock-

tail ginger twelve and six a glass,

If you don`t like it stick it up your ask,

No questions tell no lies,

Shut your mouth and you`ll catch no flies.

Salvation Army free from sin,

Went to heaven in a corned beef tin.

The corned beef tin began to smell,

The Salvation Army went to hell.

A nonsense rhyme.

I went to the pictures the morn,

I got a front seat at the back,

I fell from the pit to the gallery,

And broke a front bone in my back.

One fine day in the middle of the night,

Two dead men got up to fight.

Back to back they faced each other,

Drew their swords and shot each other.

Sent in by Billy McPhillips

There was a man called Michael Finnegan

He grew whiskers on his chin agin

He shaved them of,

But they grew in agin

Poor old Michael Finnegan’s chin agin

              ---------------

Eeteny teeteny terry berry, am tam toush,

Go to the cellar and catch a wee moose,

Cut it up in slices fry it in the pan,

And mind an keep the gravy for the wee fat man.

             ________

I sent her fur butter oh aye, oh aye,

I sent her fur butter oh aye, oh aye,

I sent her fur butter and she fell doon in the gutter,

Oh the world must be coming to an end oh aye

I sent her fur cheese oh aye, oh aye,

I sent her fur cheese oh aye, oh aye,

I sent her fur cheese and she fell and skint her knees,

Oh the world must be coming to an end oh aye

I sent her fur jam oh aye, oh aye,

I sent her fur jam oh aye, oh aye,

I sent her fur jam and she came back with ham,

Oh the world must be coming to an end oh aye.

I sent her fur breed oh aye, oh aye,

I sent her fur breed oh aye, oh aye,

I sent her fur breed and she drapped doon deed,

Oh the world must be coming to an end oh aye.

             ________

Gieday up ma cuddy,

Ma cuddy’s o’er the dyke.

And if you touch ma cuddy,

Ma cuddy’ll gie ye a bite.

             ________

One, two, three O’Leary

I saw Wallace Beery

Sitting on his bum-bah leerie

Kissing Shirley Temple.

           ______

Dan, Dan was a funny old man

Washed his face in the frying pan

Combed his hair with the leg of a chair

Dan, Dan the funny old man

     ________

Cobbler, cobbler mend my shoe

Have it done by half past two

Half past two is far too late

Have it done by half past eight.

         _______

Eeny meeny miny mo

Catch a nipper by the toe

If he squeals let him go

Eeny meeny miny mo.

          _______

Ali bali ali bali bee

Sitting one ma mither’s knee

Greetin fur anither bawbee

Tae buy some Coulters candy

        ________

Oor wee Jean is getting o’er thin

She has lost her double chin

She’s been drinking to much gin

She should eat Coulter’s candy

         _________

Coulters candy a penny a lump

That’s the stuff to make you jump

If you jump your sure to fall

Okey cokey that’s all.

         __________